Lord of the Alchemists

A Lord of the Rings and Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover Fanfiction

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Lord of the Rings, nor do I own Fullmetal Alchemist. I also don’t own the familiar line said in Episode one of Fullmetal Alchemist that Edward says when he’s fighting the Wargs.

Episode I, Part I

Those Pointy Ears… Are You a Human Bat?

“There is only one answer to sum this all up,” Edward Elric, age 15, said with a sigh. “We. Are. Lost.”

“It’s like the trees are alive,” Alphonse Elric, age 14, looked around. “no matter where we go, there are trees everywhere. Ed looked at his pocket watch.

“It’s like we’ve been here for days…we have to find out if someone is here…or something…” he said.

“Look up there, Brother.” Al pointed up ahead, where there was a large party heading their way. The group consisted of five short men, though the tallest one of them had a beard and an axe, and three tall men, one with a wizard’s robes, one with a sword, and one with a bow and arrow and had pointy ears. Edward looked at the group strangely, as if they were weirdos.

“Huh? What are you looking at, Boy!?” the bearded man asked in a ruff tone.

“W-well, we were just traveling through this forest, and we semmed to have gotten ourselves lost.” Alphonse explained. The wizard man looked at the suit of armor, then to Ed.

“You,” he said to the teen. “are you a Hobbit?”

“A wha-?” Edward raised an eyebrow in confusion. One of the short people spoke up.

“We are Hobbits!” he said merrily. “don’t tell me you don’t know what one is!”

“We don’t.” Ed rubbed his chin. The one with the beard took out his axe.

“Ah, forget about it!! These two might be Goblins or Trolls in disguise!” he gruffed.

“Stand down, Gimli!” The swordsman ordered.

“We’re mighty sorry about that,” one of the short ones said. “my name is Frodo Baggins, and these are my friends, Sam, Merry, and Pippin.”

“And I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn.” The swordsman said (meanwhile, Edward’s thinking ‘Uh huh, and so…who exactly is Arathorn?).

“I am Legolas,” the bowman smiled. Edward looked at his ears.

“Those pointy ears…are you a human bat?” he asked, eyes filled with curiosity.

“He’s an elf, Lad,” the bearded one snorted in disbelief. “and well, I am Gimli, son of Gloin.” He glared at Ed and Al, who were trying to hold back their snickering.

“And I am Gandalf the Grey,” the wizard cleared his throat.

“Yeah, well…I’m Edward Elric, and this is my younger brother, Alphonse Elric.” Ed said, ponting to the tall suit of armor beside him. The other group burst out laughing. “WHAT’S SO FUNNY!?”

“You’re a short lad! Hard to believe you’re the eldest sibling!” Aragorn wiped his eyes from laughing so hard.

“I’M STILL GROWING, OKAY!?” Edward was so close to losing his temper when Alphonse spoke up.

“Don’t let them get to you, Brother.” He said.

“So, where are you heading to, Edward?” Frodo asked.

“We don’t really know. We are searching for something important,” Ed answered, keeping his temper under control.

“Well, you can travel with us, Young Lad! Then you might find what you’re looking for!” Pippin said happily.

The newly formed group got out of the forest, and Edward was happy to see light once again.

“So, where are you guys going?” He asked Gimli.

“We’re going to Mordor, to destroy a powerful ring,” the dwarf (do Ed and Al know he’s a dwarf? Pretend they do) said in his ruff tone.

“We are almost out of food. We won’t be able to feed everyone,” Legolas said, breaking into the conversation.

“Ah, don’t worry about us,” Edward grinned. “We have a lifetime’s supply of food!” the teen pulled out some grass from the ground and stood up. The group wondered what he was going to do.

“Is he going to cook the grass?” Merry asked Pippin.

“I have not a clue.”

Ed put his hands over the grass, and like lightning, a light appeared out of nowhere. The smoke disappeared, and in the place of the grass, was a loaf of bread on a plate.

“I-is that…wizardry?” Gandalf asked.

“No, it’s not anything like that at all. It’s science. We’re Alchemists.” Alphonse explained.

“Alchemists?”

Edward put a hand on his hip and shut his eyes.

“Human kind cannot give anything without getting something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy’s first Law of Equivalent Exchange.” He said. “I love that line.” The Fellowship stared at the teen with blank faces.

“A-anyway, we might as well camp out here for the night,” Frodo said.

As the group was setting camp, Aragorn looked over at Alphonse.

“Aren’t you going to take that armor off?” he asked.

“Oh! Uh, later.” The boy answered. Aragorn shrugged, and picked up some firewood.

Edward had already put up his tent, and was reading all of the alchemy notes he wrote down over the past nine years.

“What’s that, Ed?” Merry popped up out of nowhere.

“Oh, these are just some notes I bring with me.” The boy answered. Suddenly, the group heard an angry howl.

“There are Wargs here!” Gandalf yelled. “be ready for battle!”

The fellowship got out their weapons.

“What about you?” Frodo asked. Edward grinned, and put his hands to the ground. There was the same ‘lightning’ and he pulled out a spear.

“I wish I could do that…” Sam said to himself. A pack of wild wolves came running toward the group, howling like mad. Like a mirror, everyone attacked (well, except for Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Alphonse). Edward had already killed one Warg, but his spear was broken by another one. Thinking quickly, the boy threw a mad punch at the wolf with his right arm. The warg flew back a few feet, and was down.

“Keep fighting, Friends!!” Aragorn yelled. The group was suddenly surrounded by Wargs. Gandalf tried his best to fiend them off with fire, but it wasn’t enough.

“What should we do, Brother?” Alphonse asked in a worried tone.

“I don’t have enough room to transmute a weapon…” Edward growled. He kicked at one of the Wargs with his left leg, but the demon grabbed hold of it with it’s fangs.

“Ed!” Frodo yelled. Edward chuckled.

“Wrong leg pal,” the teen broke free of the jaws, breaking the Warg’s fangs. “but here’s the right arm!” Ed yelled, throwing another punch with his right arm. (I love that line)

“Are you hurt!?” Gandalf asked.

“Nah, I’m fine as dandy!” Edward laughed. Behind him, a Warg jumped to pounce on him.

“Watch out!!” Gimli yelled. Ed turned, and held up his arm for protection. The demon wolf landed on him, chewing on his arm. Merry and Pippin gasped in fright. Alponse said nothing, and crossed his arms. Everyone stopped fighting, including the Wargs (surprising, ain’t it?). Edward chuckled once more, sounding as if he wasn’t hurt.

“What’s the matter? Can’t get a good taste?” Ed flung the wolf away.

“H-he’s not bleeding!” Gimli exclaimed.

“Yeah, that’s Edward!” Alphonse said.

The Wargs, feeling as if they shouldn’t mess with Ed, ran away in fright. The Fellowship stared at Ed, who was yelling at the demon wolves.

“Yeah, you better run!!” he yelled, holding up a stick. Edward turned around with a big smile on his face. “well, that’s that!”

“You should be hurt!” Gandalf said.

“Well, I’m not!” Ed put his hands behind his head and started whistling.

“How were you able to survive that?” Aragorn asked, putting a hand to his injured arm. Ed sighed, and started ripping part of his jacket sleeve.

“Oh, applesauce…” Sam said. Edward’s arm, it was metal.

“This is what happens when you try to bring a human to life,” Alphonse said. The Fellowship looked over at the suit of armor.

“Don’t you ever take that armor off?” Aragorn asked, changing the subject. Al looked over to Ed.

“They know my secret, now they should know yours.” Edward shrugged. Alphonse slowly took off his helmet.

“He has no head!” Gimli gasped. Al bowed.

“This is how I am…” he said.

“The armor’s empty!!” Aragorn exclaimed. Gandalf looked over at the brothers.

“Are you two…evil?” (I couldn’t think of any better question)

“Eh, no.” Edward scratched the back of his head. “I can explain…” Suddenly…